Deborah Shaer
Child & Adolescent Psychotherapist & Counsellor
Parent Counselling Sessions
Bringing self-awareness into connecting effectively with your child, repairing relational fractures and learning what works and what doesn’t
What is a parent counselling session?
I facilitate parent sessions with a focus on the dynamics between the parent and child-adolescent, alongside issues and difficulties related to a parent, such as their own childhood conditioning which might impact the areas they are struggling with. The unique situation and circumstances that infuse these areas are explored to provide support and guidance in practical ways.
Does my child or adolescent need to be in therapy?
No, I work with parents whose children are not seeing me but would like support and guidance. I also see parents of children and adolescents who are in therapy with me.
What type of issues can a parent counselling session help with?
Sometimes the issues are not initially clear and the sessions help to unravel blocks and blind spots. I provide techniques and parental psycho-education.
Here are two examples of potential issues with an explanation of these terms as they relate to the work I do:
Lack of of attunement
A lack of attunement can translate into the absence of parental validation. This includes dismissiveness verbally, in body language, facial expression and lack of prosody. Attunement is essential and needed for healthy child development and relational tuning with primary caregivers. The consequences of its absence most often leads to a sense of alienation and profound loneliness. Parents who were not brought up having experienced attunement and have not recognised even what attunement is, are not likely to be able to give this to their child, unless they learn and apply this crucial interpersonal skill in a felt-sense way.
Boundaries
If we concretise what boundaries are as it relates to an individual, the contours of the body delineates one’s self and another. The personal space that is the body, the spatial distance surrounding the body at any given time, as well as the child’s room and their belongings can be seen in this light, and what it means to be respectful versus what is intrusive.
Through another lens, setting boundaries such as bedtimes and keeping an eye on what your child is being exposed to on the Internet, limitations on ‘junk’ foods, and modelling conscious spending and living within your means are other areas that tie-in with boundaries.
Healthy boundaries tend to be flexible but consistent. Yet the subject of boundaries really requires addressing each family constellation which is unique to their circumstances and relational dynamics.
Additional issues I work with though not limited to these:
- Problematic communication
- Difficulties with self-regulation
- Processing grief and loss
- Unbalanced time-energy patterns
- Impact on parental relationship break-up
- Managing sibling conflicts
- Blocks caused by unhealed childhood trauma
- A need for grounding
Self-Care Is Not An Indulgence
It is especially important to take care of yourself as a parent or parental figure. You are giving your child a gift by taking care of your own needs to create a stable environment, to be present for yourself and them.
Prolonged stress, relentless work commitments and the multitude of other factors at play, can lead to exhaustion. Lack of joy in life may also signal burnout.
The basis of a healthy role model is akin to someone who embodies a reasonably balanced, grounded and calm state of being.
What are the benefits of having a parent counselling session?
I have seen how effectively these sessions can benefit the parent-child relationship when a parent is open and willing to unearth and plant new seeds for enhancing their quality of connection and sense of rapport. When there is an intuitive understanding of how best to respond moment-to-moment and knowing what creates conflicts and shut downs, being present to what is happening opens up a pathway to truly meet. And coming from a heart space allows new possibilities to arise. I provide parents with a communication toolbox and increased self-awareness, thereby enhancing their parent-child relationship in beautiful ways.
How many parent counselling sessions are required?
These sessions are flexible. It may be that a single 50 minute session is sufficient. Also, a parent can return for a future single session or a block of sessions. (See the fees section for more details.)
What about sessions related to pregnancy?
These one-to-one sessions provide a therapeutic space for pregnant women who are struggling emotionally and need a place to talk about their fears, anxieties and circumstances. Research has shown that the parent’s state of mind is a contributing factor to the physical, mental and emotional characteristics that begin to develop in utero. For example, being in a heightened state of stress, the same stressors activated in the mother-to-be, are passed on to her foetus. This biological process also works in the same way when she is joyful, taking good care of herself and is lovingly supported. And she will transmit these positive qualities to her unborn child.
Can these sessions include grandparents?
Yes. As I have seen in my practice, a grandparent may be grappling with shifting relational dynamics. For example, transitions from child to adolescent can be difficult for a grandparent to find a bridge that gives them greater access to a more compatible way of communicating.
It may be that they would like some guidance. For example, support with painful feelings that may arise out of the emerging developmental shifts they notice in their growing grandchild, such as erratic, dismissive and distant behaviour and a host of other changes. Through an exploration of the issues, a session can provide a therapeutic space to learn how to communicate effectively, coming from a place of greater self-awareness.
Ready To Take The First Step?
If you are a parent and would like to have a free phone consultation, you can share what’s going on with you and your child to see how I can help.
Email me for your free phone consultation at therapy@plastikprizm.co.uk, or by using my secure online contact form.